Sunday, January 1, 2012

Occupation Full-Time Cancer Paient

In November I was on my phone for over 1000 minutes. Since December 4th, I've been on it for over 1600 minutes. In those minutes I've talked to doctors, updated family and friends, consulted nurses, and talked to volunteers at the American Cancer Society. I've spent time on the internet, researching triple-negative breast cancer, neo-adjuvant chemotherapy, acupuncturists, and more. I've been to multiple appointments, which often last longer than expected. I read about ways to stay healthy during treatment without actually scheduling in the time to make them happen.

This has been one of the hardest adjustments to make. I didn't realize that being a cancer patient - even one with a good prognosis - is a full time job. Add that on to the full-time job that pays me, Christmas preparation, social events, I've been one busy girl. Yesterday it caught up to me.

Friday chemo went later than planned. I ended up going to acupuncture right afterward. Then, yesterday, after the "hair follies," I went straight to the University for my Neulasta shot. This should be a fifteen minute appointment, but turned into forty minutes due to computer issues and a discussion about how to give me just 3 mLs rather than the standard 6 mLs. My cell phone lost battery power, as I'd lost my car charger (I've lost about six things in the last few weeks). I got home after 2, where I was supposed to cook for my parents, but when I realized I was short one ingredient, that was it. There was no working around it, no running to the store. I was officially overwhelmed. I called it a meltdown at the time, but maybe that's too strong of a word. I was just done. I sent my parents home (actually, they went to a restaurant) and unplugged. I took my first anti-nausea pill (did I mention I also had a bit of nausea for the first time? And heartburn), drank some ginger-peppermint tea, put some relaxing and uplifting essential oils in the diffuser, and chilled. And napped - and drooled. I showed up at my New Year's soiree 90 minutes late, feeling like new.

I'm hoping that now that I'm into round two, don't need to see the surgeon until after chemo, that things will calm down a bit. I think my next appointments will be for the MRI to assess the tumor size prior to round three (which should be about January 20th). Maybe help me to focus on me. I went to a New Year's Day yoga workshop today, and my mind was all over the place. I'm sure the steroid don't help, but I also realized that I have done yoga maybe twice since my cancer journey began last April.

The Hair, Part 2

I got to Ramona's house shortly after 8 yesterday morning. We had the shaver, had charged it overnight, and thought that it would be a quick few runs through my hair, and voila! - GI Jane. Not quite.

User inexperience plus not quite fully charged trimmer resulted in over an hour of shaving and just the back shorn. Needless to say, we didn't make it to ski practice.
Next I headed over to my brother's, where I learned a bit about trimmers and shaving. First, I learned that these trimmers generally need about 18 hours to charge. And they don't work too well if you adjust the "guard" to five or higher (two rules we broke at Ramona's). Even with that knowledge, it still took about another hour for my brother to shave my head.

So now my hair is about a half inch long. It's coming out slowly (am I supposed to help it along? Rub it with a washcloth? Or just watch as hair fills the inside of my hat and the shower's drain guard?). Cold baby that I am, I've mostly kept it covered with hats, but family and friends who have seen this latest look seem to think it looks good. Something about a nice-shaped head. Or maybe just Minnesota nice... A few photos were taken last evening, so if the mood strikes me I may post them for you to see. When I lost my hair for leukemia chemotherapy, I looked back and wished I had more photos to document it. I really don't have any photos of me without wig or hat until I'd had about an inch of new growth. Keep reminding me of that.

Someone commented last night about how brave I'd been while getting my hair chopped off. I guess I'm mostly over that one, although it's sometimes tough to realize this is going to be my life for the next few months. I'd been feeling so good, the start of the hair loss was kind of a reality check.

Yesterday afternoon I started re-arranging my medicine cabinet. Hair detangler, styling gel, texturizer, comb, all out. But as I put them into the closet, I thought, why would I even keep them in here? It could be six months or more before I might use them again. I took a closer look: curling irons, blow dryer, big round styling brush, paddle brush, curl reviver, volumizer....as strange as it may sound, to this girly-girl, saying goodbye - albeit temporarily - to all these products was what almost made the tears come. Even while I look forward to my new low-maintenance look.