Perspectives

More than a few times, I've been told that I seem to be "handling all of this" very well. It's made me look inside and question, am I really? How am I handling this? Should I be more upset? Am I suppressing my emotions - is there anger, tears, fear that I'm not expressing?

Back in May, when all this started, there was a lot of that. There were tears, there was anxiousness, there was anger about having to go through cancer again. Hadn't I already done my time? But, like all of us when we go through something traumatic, I moved on. I accepted what was happening and looked forward to what needed to be done.

I've read a lot of references to a cancer diagnosis being a time of transition. You look at your life, see what needs to change, and you also see what's good. I had a ton of loving friends and family that offered support, assistance with finding second opinions, lawn-mowing services, rides, and time spent laughing, forgetting about my current troubles. Summer was here, and the world was turning green and beautiful.

At the same time, I was exposed to other people in health crisis. A week after learning about my diagnosis, Scott and I met with a doctor whose waiting room was filled with kids going through cancer treatment. I saw kids - little kids - going through chemo, wearing masks to help prevent infection, kids with no hair. It helped put things in perspective.

Shortly after that, I started going to Pathways. I've mentioned Pathways a bit in previous posts. It's a place in Minneapolis that offers complementary healing services for people dealing with various health issues. In the orientation video, a woman mentioned being abandoned by friends and family after receiving a cancer diagnosis. In the group sessions I've attended since then, I've met people dealing with MS so severe they need a cane to help them walk, chronic pain so bad they can't get hugged...you get my drift. Arm cancer? Ok, I can deal with this.

I don't know why this happened to me. The total body irradiation I received almost 22 years ago is definitely suspect, but I can't be angry about that - the bone marrow transplant I received in 1989 gave me a cure, gave me life. Twenty-two years of perfect health.

All I can do is move forward and do everything I can to be healthy. And be thankful for every day and everything that I have. I've read a suggestion somewhere about keeping a "grateful" list. Every day, list five things for which you're grateful. Although I've never stuck with it, I love the idea.

Next time something happens that gets you down and you think life sucks, take a step back. Think of all the people, the things in your life that you're grateful for. Think of those folks who aren't as fortunate as you. And hopefully it will help put your life back in perspective.